Anyone For A Beer?

Do you know how to pour a glass of beer? Of course you do. Open the container and hold it in one hand. In the other, a glass. Tilt container. Voila!

And yet, there are experts who disagree on this simplest of tasks.

Consider the diametrically opposed opinions of two noted beer authorities: Garrett Oliver, who is also a brewmaster, and F. Paul Pacult, who writes about beer and booze.

Oliver edited and helped to compile The Oxford Companion to Beer, and wrote his own The Brewmaster’s Table, a lengthy tome about matching beer with food. In this latter volume, in a section called “Beer Service,” he offers pouring instructions.

You’ll quickly get the hang of it: pour the beer slowly down the side of the glass until it’s two-thirds full, then turn the glass upright and slowly bring the head up above the rim of the glass. [It] is a striking sight...

F. Paul Pacult takes a different approach. He used to write something called The Spirit Journal, but put it on hiatus a few years ago to focus on new writing projects. In The Beer Essentials: The Spirit Journal Guide to Over 650 of the World's Beers, he says:

I pour beer the way most brewers have taught me, which is to start right down the center of an upright glass to establish an inch of foam, then tilt the glass at a 45-degree angle and continue pouring down the side of the glass until the glass is two-thirds to three-quarters full. This allows some room for the head to develop at the crown, as well as some space for you to insert your nose and appreciate the bouquet.

He adds, somewhat impishly, that it’s all in the wrist.

Both these guys emphasize using squeaky-clean glassware. (Pacult even says to never put your beer glasses in a dishwasher; it can leave detergent sediments. I do it anyway.) Generally speaking, both agree on serving lagers at 45 to 48 degrees Fahrenheit, and ales in the high forties to mid-fifties.

Wait – there’s a difference between lager and ale?

A third beer writer, who might be considered “the other Michael Jackson,” is silent on the subject of pouring. Or at least he is in Michael Jackson’s Beer Companion, my first beer book. In it he calls beer a civilized drink and urges you to never, in a restaurant or bar, merely “ask for a beer.” There are so many styles; he says beer “can be equally varied, complex and noble” as its more exalted counterpart, wine.

As I wrote these notes I got curious, so I googled Pacult. He has an official website. 

Garrett Oliver is the Brooklyn Brewery brewmaster. I googled him, too. According to Wikipedia we share the same birthday! He has an Instagram page.

The beer Michael Jackson died a couple of years before his better-known namesake: in 2007, at the age of sixty-five.

Mask On, Mask Off

When I had an eye exam the other day one of the first things the optometrist asked was whether I’d been fully vaccinated for COVID-19. I answered in the affirmative. “Me too,” he replied. If I was agreeable, he said, we could dispense with our masks.

I was agreeable.

It felt like a step toward normalcy. A baby step, to be sure, but taken in the right direction. As a society the overall goal during this pandemic era is herd immunity – as elusive as that may be. One of the last remaining obstacles is the resistence of a certain sub-set of our fellow citizens.

My new glasses?

It’s distressing that the issue of masks and vaccinations is so politicized. This is not accidental, and I fear it is but a tiny piece in a larger, divide-and-conquer picture: one that has me all but convinced we are careening toward fascism.

No one likes wearing those fucking masks. Everyone is eager to return to some semblance of normalcy, however you might define it. It is difficult not to brand those who resist masks and vaccines as fools, and/or ignorant, deceived assholes.

No one gets smallpox anymore. No one gets polio. The reason is science, of course. Vaccines.

A few days after the eye doctor I saw my physician for a well check (garden variety physical). This time, the mask stayed on. The option of removing it never even came up. Ah well.

I’m still planning on a big mask-burning party, once this thing is over (or mostly over). If you’re reading this you’re invited, although proof-of-vax may be required.

The scene: A hot summer night. A big pile of masks in the street. An eco-friendly accelerant sprinkled thereon. A match is lit, and whoosh! It all goes up in flames. Everyone cheers.

BYOB. We provide potato chips and marshmallows, and the burnt weenie sandwiches. (Tofu dogs available.)

(Others have appropriated this mask-burning idea. That’s okay; the motif is so very obvious, and stolen from mortgage-burning parties!)

The Power of Photography

Someone once said that you never really take a picture. Rather a picture presents itself, and it takes you.

That may be. Certain photographs, taken at just the right moment, have an element of divine intervention – especially in photojournalism.

On the other hand, experience guides photographers to the places where a picture can present itself.

Maybe I’m splitting hairs.

Photography is an activity and discipline I have always loved; it’s one of my several creative outlets. What draws me to it may boil down to instant gratification: I love looking through a viewfinder and composing a shot. Certainly the results vary. Composing a shot and capturing a moment are very different (though not mutually exclusive).

My first decent camera was a Pentax 35mm. It shot old-fangled film. I can’t remember the model number (K-1000?) because I’m not a gear-head. A camera, to me, has always been a means to an end.

That Pentax and I parted ways after I left it on a subway car in Washington DC. I replaced it with a better camera, a used Nikon F purchased at a camera store in metro Detroit, where I then lived. It was my main machine for many years, until I finally upgraded to a Nikon digital. The digital Nikon still gets plenty of use, though I take a lot of pictures with my phone, too.

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I’ve been thinking recently about the incredible power of photography. Images can stir a nation’s pride and stir its horror. Consider two of America’s most iconic pictures: the flag raised by Marines on Iwo Jima, and the flag planted by the first astronauts on the moon. Then think of the shootings at Kent State, or children in cages along America’s southern border.

Photography is also a powerful memory trigger. This is probably within everyone’s experience. How many times have you sat down with a stack of old photos, looking for one in particular, only to lose all track of time? (Admittedly, this is far less common now. Instead of prints stuffed into envelopes from the local drug store, pictures live on phones, social media sites, hard disks, and digital picture frames that hold thousands of images and display a new one every five seconds or so.)

Those old pictures can be mesmerizing. Time ceases to exist as you flip through them, moved by image after image, none the one you were looking for, each capable of transporting you to an earlier time and place: faces and events from the past, some of them of people no longer in your orbit. You are immersed, losing all sense of the present. Suddenly half an hour, an hour, even longer, has gone by.

One of the ways I’ve been filling surplus time during this relentless pandemic is by scanning old photos. More precisely I’ve been scanning negatives, which result in images much crisper than scanned prints. I have reams of them, thick binders filled with innumerable negative sleeves, mostly black and white, from an earlier, more carefree period, when I roamed Detroit photographing jazz musicians, cityscapes, friends and foes.

More than just filling time during COVID isolation, scanning these old pictures also satisfies my inner archivist. I am preserving glimpses of an irretrievable past. They serve a more pragmatic purpose, too. I send digitized images, via text message, to distant friends and relatives, including my now-grown children.

This last I do almost daily. We all live hither and yon. The no-longer-kids receive baby pictures (complete with drooling), photos from birthday parties, soccer practices, and even (heaven help me) the prom. It gets us talking, or at least texting. The images connect us to the present and to the past – another of the great powers of photography.

Set Pfizer To Stun

A bad vaccine reaction merits a bad pun.

As I write this it’s been a little more than twenty-four hours since getting Round Two of the COVID vaccine, which as the title of this flight of fancy indicates was Pfizer. (Sorry about that title!)

My reaction has been no reaction, or nearly so.

I was prepared for a day or two of flu-like symptoms: fever, chills, body aches, and all that. But I have dodged that bullet. Aside from the mildest ache where I got jabbed, there are no real side effects to speak of.

Same thing happened, or didn’t happen, with Round One.

The shots themselves were painless. No one enjoys getting stuck with a needle, and they usually sting a little. Not this time.

Scheduling the damned thing took some effort. After a fruitless and maddening attempt to find something at one of several chain store pharmacies, Google steered me to a local hospital’s signup form. Within a few days I got a text that a spot had been reserved for me. All I had to do was confirm it online and then show up. Which I did. Afterward, they gave me a sticker.

The pandemic is far from over and I’m still wearing a mask, socially distancing, etc etc etc. The end is not yet in sharp focus, but ever more in sight. My wife and son are also fully vaxxed and Daughter D has had Round One. I’m thinking about a trip to a distant city via airpline, and soon.

Fix These Faces

The words used by politicians and media blowhards to describe the violence in Washington DC on January 6 include insurrection, uprising, rebellion, riot, sedition, violent occupation, and (attempted) coup.

All accurate enough, although attempted coup is easily the most dead-on. I’ve also heard it referred to, oddly and perhaps less accurately, as “sad.”

It was an ugly, sickening, appalling outrage for which there must be swift and merciless payback. This was clearly a well-planned operation by MAGA minions with the short-term goal of taking and perhaps executing hostages (Pelosi et al), and the longer-term goal of using those left alive as leverage to keep Trump in power. Its failure was a matter of luck and does not minimize the attempt in the slightest.

A century ago eight MLB players were banned from baseball for life, because they conspired to throw the 1919 World Series. They took bribes to lose on purpose.

The scandal didn’t break for a year, and it took another year before the players were put on trial. As it developed, they were acquitted after key evidence (confessions) conveniently disappeared.

And yet the players were all banned for life. A newspaper published their pictures along with this caption: “Fix these faces in your memory...”

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And now treasonous Trump and his MAGA maggots, aided and abetted by treasonous Republicans in the House and Senate, have conspired in an attempt to overturn an election and subvert the United States Constitution, a document Trump and each of these lawmakers swore an oath to uphold. They supported this attempt to reverse the election results with a fascist fig leaf: zero evidence of alleged voter fraud, put forth by the most transparently corrupt, grotesque caricature of a politician to ever hold elected office.

Each one of these anti-democratic, anti-American lawmakers should be kicked out of office. Those who are lawyers should be disbarred, and all should be banned for life from ever again holding an office, elected or appointed. Each one of them – including Trump – should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and the judge should make an example of them – should throw the book at them.

The following is a partial list of Republican lawmakers who participated in this insurrection, sedition, and/or coup. Their spineless leader was Trump. Co-conspirators include Rudy Giuliani and Trump Jr. There are others. The minions will be back.

Fix these names and faces in your memory.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO)

Rep. Ralph Abraham (R-La.)

Rep. Robert Aderholt (R-Ala.)

Rep. Rick W. Allen (R-Ga.)

Rep. James R. Baird (R-Ind.)

Rep. Jim Banks (R-Ind.)

Rep. Jack Bergman (R-Mich.)

Rep. Andy Biggs (R-Ariz.)

Rep. Gus Bilirakis (R-Fla.)

Rep. Dan Bishop (R-N.C.)

Rep. Mike Bost (R-Ill.)

Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Texas)

Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala.)

Rep. Ken Buck (R-Colo.)

Rep. Ted Budd (R-N.C.)

Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn.)

Rep. Michael C. Burgess (R-Texas)

Rep. Bradley Byrne (R-Ala.)

Rep. Ken Calvert (R-Calif.)

Rep. Earl L. “Buddy” Carter (R-La.)

Rep. Ben Cline (R-Va.)

Rep. Michael Cloud (R-Texas)

Rep. Mike Conaway (R-Texas)

Rep. Rick Crawford (R-Ark.)

Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-Texas)

Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart (R-Fla.)

Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-S.C.)

Rep. Neal P. Dunn (R-Fla.)

Rep. Tom Emmer (R-Minn.)

Rep. Ron Estes (R-Kan.)

Rep. A. Drew Ferguson, IV (R-Ga.)

Rep. Chuck Fleischmann (R-Tenn.)

Rep. Bill Flores (R-Texas)

Rep. Jeff Fortenberry (R-Neb.)

Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.)

Rep. Russ Fulcher (R-Idaho)

Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.)

Rep. Greg Gianforte (R-Mont.)

Rep. Bob Gibbs (R-Ohio)

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)

Rep. Lance Gooden (R-Texas)

Rep. Sam Graves (R-Mo.)

Rep. Mark Green (R-Tenn.)

Rep. Michael Guest (R-Miss.)

Rep. Andy Harris (R-Md.)

Rep. Vicky Hartzler (R-Mo.)

Rep. Kevin Hern (R-Okla.)

Rep. Clay Higgins (R-La.)

Rep. Trey Hollingsworth (R-Ind.)

Rep. Richard Hudson (R-N.C.)

Rep. Bill Huizenga (R-Mich.)

Rep. Bill Johnson (R-Ohio)

Rep. Mike Johnson (R-La.)

Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio)

Rep. John Joyce (R-Pa.)

Rep. Fred Keller (R-Pa.)

Rep. Mike Kelly (R-Pa.)

Rep. Trent Kelly (R-Miss.)

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa)

Rep. David Kustoff (R-Tenn.)

Rep. Darin LaHood (R-Ill.)

Rep. Doug LaMalfa (R-Calif.)

Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-Colo.)

Rep. Robert E. Latta (R-Ohio)

Rep. Debbie Lesko (R-Ariz.)

Rep. Blaine Leutkemeyer (R-Mo.)

Rep. Kenny Marchant (R-Texas)

Rep. Roger Marshall (R-Kan.)

Rep. Tom McClintock (R-Calif.)

Rep. Cathy McMorris Rogers (R-Wash.)

Rep. Dan Meuser (R-Pa.)

Rep. Carol D. Miller (R-W.V.)

Rep. John Moolenaar (R-Mich.)

Rep. Alex X. Mooney (R-W.V.)

Rep. Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.)

Rep. Gregory Murphy (R-N.C.)

Rep. Dan Newhouse (R-Wash.)

Rep. Ralph Norman (R-S.C.)

Rep. Gary Palmer (R-Ala.)

Rep. Scott Perry (R-Pa.)

Rep. Guy Reschenthaler (R-Pa.)

Rep. Tom Rice (R-S.C.)

Rep. John Rose (R-Tenn.)

Rep. David Rouzer (R-N.C.)

Rep. John Rutherford (R-Fla.)

Rep. Steve Scalise (R-La.)

Rep. Austin Scott (R-Ga.)

Rep. Mike Simpson (R-Idaho)

Rep. Adrian Smith (R-Neb.)

Rep. Jason Smith (R-Mo.)

Rep. Ross Spano (R-Fla.)

Rep. Pete Stauber (R-Minn.)

Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-N.Y.)

Rep. Glenn “GT” Thompson (R-Pa.)

Rep. Tom Tiffany (R-Wisc.)

Rep. William Timmons (R-S.C.)

Rep. Ann Wagner (R-Mo.)

Rep. Tim Walberg (R-Mich.)

Rep. Jackie Walorski (R-Ind.)

Rep. Michael Waltz (R-Fla.)

Rep. Randy Weber (R-Texas)

Rep. Daniel Webster (R-Fla.)

Rep. Brad Wenstrup (R-Ohio)

Rep. Bruce Westerman (R-Ark.)

Rep. Roger Williams (R-Texas)

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.)

Rep. Rob Wittman (R-Va.)

Rep. Ron Wright (R-Texas)

Rep. Ted S. Yoho (R-Fla.)

Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-N.Y.)

Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.)

Rep. Jodey Arrington (R-Texas)

Rep. Brian Babin (R-Texas)

Rep. Doug Collins (R-Ga.)

Rep. Scott DesJarlais (R-Tenn.)

Rep. Morgan Griffith (R-Va.)

Rep. Jim Hagedorn (R-Minn.)

Rep. Jody Hice (R-Ga.)

Rep. Billy Long (R-Mo.)

Rep. Barry Loudermilk (R-Ga.)

Rep. Steven Palazzo (R-Miss.)

Rep. Greg Pence (R-Ind.)

Rep. Bill Posey (R-Fla.)

Rep. Mike Rogers (R-Ala.)

Rep. W. Gregory Steube (R-N.J.)

Rep. Jeff Van Drew (R-N.J.)

Rep. Mark Walker (R-N.C.)